How Children Experience Moving to a New Country
For adults, a move abroad is often a decision with clear reasons: a job, a relationship, a new start. For children, it is usually something that happens to them. They lose familiar places, friends, routines and sometimes grandparents, all at once, and they rarely had a say.
This does not mean that relocation harms children. Many children adapt well and later value growing up between cultures. But adjustment is a process, not an event, and it often includes a mix of excitement, sadness, anger and uncertainty. Knowing this in advance can help parents respond with patience rather than worry.
Common Reactions to Relocation at Different Ages
Every child is different, but some patterns are common at different stages.
- Babies and toddlers: they mainly respond to their parents' stress and to changes in routine. Sleep, eating or separation at daycare may become harder for a while.
- Preschool children: they may regress, for example wanting to be carried again, having more tantrums or clinging at Kita drop-off. They often express feelings through play rather than words.
- School-age children: they tend to worry about friends, fitting in and understanding what is going on in class. Some become quiet and withdrawn, others more oppositional at home.
- Teenagers: identity and friendships matter most. A move can feel like losing their social world. Some push back strongly, some withdraw, and some throw themselves into the new setting while hiding how hard it is.
School, Kita and a New Language
Starting at a Kita, a Grundschule or an international school in a new country is one of the biggest parts of adjustment. The daily rhythm, the rules and the way adults talk to children may all be different from what the family knew.
Language plays a large role. Children often pick up German faster than their parents, which can be a source of pride but also of pressure. For example, a child may start translating at the doctor or feel responsible for helping a parent, or may feel embarrassed when a parent struggles with the language in front of others. There can also be a silent period, when a child understands more than they are ready to say.
It helps to stay in regular contact with teachers or educators, to ask how your child is doing socially and not only academically, and to give your child time. Progress in a new language is rarely a straight line.
Keeping Your Home Language Alive
Many families wonder whether to keep speaking their home language, whether English, Hebrew or another language, once children start using German every day. For most families, the home language is closely tied to closeness, identity and the connection with grandparents and relatives far away.
Children sometimes resist the home language for a while, especially when they want to fit in. Pressure usually makes this worse. What often helps is keeping the language warm and alive through stories, songs, calls with family, books and shared time, rather than turning it into a test. Parents can also speak the language they feel most emotionally at ease in, since warmth matters more than perfection.
Belonging: Why It Matters So Much After a Move
In the Adlerian approach, the need to belong and to feel significant is at the heart of human behavior. A move abroad can shake both. Children may suddenly feel that they do not know the rules, cannot express themselves well and are no longer the capable child they were at home.
When children feel that they do not belong, they may try to find a place in less helpful ways: seeking constant attention, entering power struggles or giving up. Seen this way, a difficult behavior after a move is often a sign of discouragement rather than a problem with the child. Encouragement, meaningful responsibility at home and small experiences of success in the new environment can help rebuild a sense of belonging.
Practical Ways Parents Can Help Children Adjust
There is no perfect formula, but many parents find the following steps useful in the first months and beyond.
- Talk honestly about the move, including what is hard. Let children know that missing home and liking the new place can exist together.
- Keep familiar routines and rituals, such as bedtime stories, weekend breakfasts or holidays, to create stability.
- Give children age-appropriate choices, for example how to decorate their room or which activity to try.
- Help build friendships by inviting classmates, joining a club or finding community groups, including other Hebrew- or English-speaking families.
- Maintain contact with grandparents and friends back home, without letting it replace new connections.
- Notice and name effort and small progress, such as a new word, a first playdate or a morning without tears.
- Look after your own adjustment. Children read their parents closely, and a supported parent can offer more calm.
Parents Are Adjusting Too
It is easy to focus only on the children and forget that parents are also going through a major change. Bureaucracy, a new job or no job, distance from family, loneliness and the long Berlin winter can all take their toll.
When parents feel stretched, patience runs short and conflicts at home can increase. Acknowledging your own feelings about the move, and finding support for yourself, is not selfish. It is part of helping the whole family settle. Moves can also put pressure on couples, which is explored in when your relationship struggles after moving abroad.
When to Seek Support for Your Family
It may be worth reaching out if difficulties persist for many months, if a child seems deeply unhappy or withdrawn, if conflicts at home keep escalating, or if you as parents feel lost about how to respond.
Karin Bensinger has lived in Berlin for about seven years and accompanies families through relocation and adjustment to life abroad. You can read more about support for families after relocation or about parent guidance in Berlin, in English or Hebrew, in person or online.
Guidance does not replace professional mental-health care. If a child or parent is in acute distress or crisis, please contact a qualified professional or local emergency services.