Couples guidance with an Adlerian approach

What is Adlerian couples guidance?

Couples guidance is a structured space where two partners look together at how their relationship works day to day: how they talk, decide, disagree and support each other. The aim is not to find out who is right, but to understand what each person needs and how the two of you can cooperate.

Many people search for “couples counselling” when things feel hard. Karin offers something related but different: Adlerian couples guidance, not therapy. The focus is on the present and on the relationship you want to build, not on diagnosis or treatment.

The approach draws on the ideas of Alfred Adler (1870-1937), the Austrian physician who founded Individual Psychology. You can read more about its foundations on the Adlerian guidance page.

Who is couples guidance for?

Couples guidance can help partners who feel that something between them has become stuck, even if they cannot yet name it. It is open to married and unmarried couples, couples with or without children, and partners from different cultural backgrounds.

• Couples caught in the same argument again and again
• Partners who feel distant, lonely or unseen in the relationship
• Couples going through a relationship crisis or a period of serious doubt
• Parents who disagree about how to raise their children
• Couples facing a big transition such as a birth, a new job or a move abroad
• Partners who are doing fine but want to communicate with more respect and warmth

Recurring arguments and couple communication

Many couples notice that their arguments follow a familiar script. The topic changes, dishes, money, in-laws, screen time, but the pattern stays the same: one partner pushes, the other withdraws, and both leave feeling misunderstood.

For example, one partner may hear a request as criticism, while the other experiences silence as rejection. In guidance, the couple slows these moments down and looks at what each person was trying to achieve. Often the argument turns out to be about belonging, fairness or feeling valued, not about the dishes at all.

Better couple communication is less about perfect phrasing and more about mutual respect: listening to understand, saying what you need without attacking, and trusting that the other person also wants the relationship to work.

How does the Adlerian approach look at a relationship?

Adlerian thinking sees a couple as two equal partners who each bring their own lifestyle into the relationship: a personal way of seeing themselves, others and the world, shaped early in life. Each partner also has a private logic, the inner reasoning that makes their reactions feel obvious to them and puzzling to the other.

• Equality: neither partner stands above or below the other, and decisions are shared
• Mutual respect: firmness about your own needs together with kindness toward your partner's
• Encouragement: noticing effort and strengths instead of only mistakes
• Cooperation: moving from a contest between two people toward a shared project
• The courage to be imperfect: allowing both partners to be human, without needing to win

The couple as co-parents

For couples with children, the relationship is also a parenting partnership. Disagreements about bedtime, discipline or screens can slowly turn into disagreements about each other.

Karin often looks at how parenting differences affect the couple, and how a united, respectful approach can ease tension for everyone at home. Focused support for your role as parents is also available through parent guidance.

How does the couples guidance process work?

The process is simple and personal.

• A short, free, no-obligation introductory conversation on WhatsApp to get acquainted and check whether it feels like a good fit
• A first session to gather information, hear both perspectives and define goals together
• Weekly sessions, at the pace, depth and style that fit the couple
• Practical tools, insights and small practices to try at home between sessions

When is the right time to start couples guidance?

There is no need to wait for a breaking point. Many couples find it easier to work on a relationship while there is still goodwill and energy on both sides. Others arrive in the middle of a relationship crisis, and that is also a valid starting point.

Signs that it may be time include arguments that repeat without resolution, a growing sense of distance, avoiding certain topics to keep the peace, or a major change that has shifted the balance between you.

Karin wants the room to feel safe enough for honesty. Her clients know they can “come in pajamas”: there is no need to arrive polished or with the story neatly organized. Real change often begins in the parts of a relationship that are less photogenic.

Can one partner start couples guidance alone?

Yes. Sometimes only one partner is ready to begin, or schedules make joint sessions difficult at first. In Adlerian thinking, a change in one person's approach can shift the whole pattern, because a relationship is a system of mutual responses.

Working alone, a partner can explore their own reactions, learn to express needs more clearly and practise encouragement.

Online couples guidance or sessions in Berlin

Online couples guidance takes place via Zoom, so couples can join from anywhere. Couples living in Berlin can also meet Karin in person at her practice. Sessions are held in English or Hebrew.

If you live in Berlin and your relationship pressures are connected to the move itself, see couples guidance in Berlin for expat couples. More about remote sessions is on the online guidance page.

Couples guidance is not a substitute for mental-health treatment. If either of you is in acute distress or crisis, or if there is any concern about safety, please contact a qualified professional or emergency services.