Who Was Alfred Adler?
Alfred Adler (1870-1937) was an Austrian physician and the founder of Individual Psychology. He was part of the early circle around Sigmund Freud in Vienna, but he soon developed his own, quite different view of human beings.
Adler saw people as social beings who are always trying to find their place among others. He chose the word individual in its original sense of indivisible: a person is understood as a whole, in the context of their relationships, family and community, not as a collection of separate symptoms.
Adler was interested in how these ideas could help in everyday settings such as families and schools. Later, Rudolf Dreikurs and others developed Adler's thinking into practical approaches for parents and educators, and this is where much of what people now call Adlerian parenting comes from.
The Core Ideas of the Adlerian Approach
Adlerian psychology rests on a small number of ideas that are easy to understand and surprisingly useful in daily life. Together they shape how an Adlerian guide listens and what kind of questions they ask.
- Belonging and significance: every person, child or adult, wants to feel that they belong and that they matter.
- Behavior has a purpose: instead of asking only why someone behaves a certain way, Adlerians ask what the behavior is trying to achieve.
- Social interest: a sense of connection and contribution to others, which Adler saw as a sign of healthy development.
- Lifestyle and private logic: each of us forms, early in life, a personal set of beliefs about ourselves and the world that quietly guides our choices.
- Encouragement: people change more readily when they feel capable and valued than when they feel judged.
- Mutual respect: relationships work better when both sides are treated with dignity, including between parents and children.
- The courage to be imperfect: accepting mistakes as part of learning, rather than something to hide.
What Does Adlerian Parenting Look Like in Practice?
Adlerian parenting is neither strict nor permissive. It aims for a home where children have both warmth and clear, respectful boundaries, and where they are given real responsibility that fits their age.
One well-known tool comes from Rudolf Dreikurs, who described four mistaken goals that can sit behind a child's difficult behavior: seeking attention, seeking power, seeking revenge, or showing assumed inadequacy, which means giving up in order to be left alone. For example, a parent may notice that the more they remind, the more their child dawdles. Seen through this lens, the question becomes what the child is trying to gain, and how the parent can respond in a way that meets the underlying need for belonging without feeding the struggle.
Other everyday tools include natural and logical consequences instead of punishment, encouragement instead of constant praise or criticism, and family meetings where everyone has a voice. The focus is on long-term cooperation and responsibility, not on quick obedience.
How Is Adlerian Guidance Different from Therapy?
Adlerian guidance is a practical, educational and supportive process. It focuses on understanding patterns in relationships and daily life, and on finding concrete steps that people can try between sessions.
It is not a clinical treatment and does not diagnose or treat mental-health conditions. Many people come to guidance because they want a clearer understanding of what is happening at home or in their relationship, and support in changing it, rather than because something is medically wrong.
If someone is dealing with a mental-health condition, guidance may sit alongside the care of a qualified professional, but it does not replace it.
Who Can Benefit from Adlerian Guidance?
Because the approach looks at the person within their relationships, it can be helpful in many situations. People often reach out when something in their family, relationship or personal life feels stuck, repetitive or exhausting.
- Parents who want calmer mornings, fewer power struggles or a better connection with their children. See Adlerian parent guidance.
- Couples who keep having the same argument or feel they have drifted apart.
- Families going through changes such as a new sibling, separation or a move.
- Individuals facing a transition, a sense of being lost, or questions about their place in a new environment.
- International and expat families adjusting to life abroad, including Israeli and Hebrew-speaking families in Berlin.
What Happens in Adlerian Guidance Sessions?
With Karin, the process starts with a short, free and no-obligation conversation on WhatsApp. It is a chance to get to know each other and see whether working together feels right.
The first session is used to gather information and define goals: what is happening, what has already been tried, and what you would like to be different. After that, sessions usually take place weekly, at a pace, depth and style that suits you. Along the way you receive practical tools, insights and small practices to try in daily life.
Sessions can take place in Karin's practice in Berlin or online via Zoom, in English or Hebrew. Karin often describes the space as one where people can come in pajamas: as they really are, without needing to look put together. Real change often begins in the parts of life that are less photogenic.
Is Adlerian Guidance Right for You?
Adlerian guidance tends to suit people who want to understand the patterns behind everyday difficulties and are willing to try new responses. It does not ask you to become a perfect parent or partner. It invites you to look honestly at what is happening, with curiosity and encouragement.
If you would like to explore whether this approach fits your situation, you can read more about Adlerian guidance with Karin Bensinger or begin with a short introductory conversation.
Guidance does not replace professional mental-health care. If you or someone in your family is in acute distress or crisis, please contact a qualified professional or local emergency services.